What is Grief?
Grief is the normal human response to the loss of someone, or even something, important to us. The death of a relative, friend, or colleague can result in emotions that may feel overwhelming or even frightening at times. It is common to feel physically ill after a devastating loss – the pain of grief can be felt as a real pain. Every part of your health can be affected. Sometimes it may be very intense and stop you doing things. Other times, it may be in the background and you can still carry on with your day-to-day activities.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘normal’ way to feel or react. People cope with grief in very individualised ways, often finding support through family and friends, but many people find it helpful to speak with someone impartial, who is knowledgeable about grief and loss, who can not only support you through this time, but also navigate you in moving forward.
Grief has no set timeline and can sometimes feel endless. Special dates, like anniversaries, may always be more difficult. Grief isn’t something we ‘recover’ from, but rather a natural life experience that changes us as we learn to live with the memory of our loved one instead of their physical presence. Over time, as months, and years go by, many people can reflect on their journey and recognise the path they’ve travelled. While it may seem unlikely now, the ability to smile, laugh, and find joy in life will return, however unlikely that may seem at the present time. Having the right support to navigate you through this process can be invaluable.
There is no shame in grieving for those we have lost but if you are finding it hard to find a path forward for yourself then I can help you find your way.
At the end of the day, remind yourself you did the best you could today, and that is good enough.
Dealing with grief
Grief is genuine and very personal; it can last a long time. The emotions you feel are often complex and conflicting. How you feel and react might be influenced by several factors: such as your personality, upbringing, parental influences, past life experiences, beliefs, and relationships with who or what it is you have lost.
It is natural to have strong reactions to a catastrophic loss. You may experience feeling shocked or initially numb about what has happened, or your change in circumstances. Pain and distress, extreme emotions, crying uncontrollably or not able to cry and feeling numb, anger, guilt, depression, longing. You may worry about other people’s reactions. It is important not to put pressure on yourself to ‘feel better’, ‘get over it’, ‘move on’; but to allow yourself time and space; and when ready, seek the support you need.
Anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief is when you experience feelings of grief for someone while they’re still living. This type of grief is commonly felt when a loved one has a life-limiting condition. This can also be experienced during the process of redundancy, divorce, or other impending life changing events that you are struggling to deal with.
Complicated grief
The emotions tied to grief typically evolve over time. However, if you notice little to no improvement and these feelings are affecting your daily life, it could be a sign of complicated grief. If these emotions persist for more than six months, it may be helpful to consider speaking with a professional to discuss how you’re feeling.